I saw sparks…

That song. Coldplay gets it, and listening to Sparks today, my mind wanders back to when I first heard it. It was years ago, when I decided to accomplish everything I wanted. I made a poster with magazine clippings and hung it on my door, one piece of paper saying “You can get anything you want.” That became my motto. I was younger, dating, living with my parents, working two jobs, residing in a small uninteresting town. I wanted to live somewhere else, marry someone else, have babies, and live happily ever after. So I strived for that, everything I did had a purpose, a plan. I knew exactly what I wanted, and three years later, I got it. All of it. So here I sit, with my son playing in his Jumperoo, listening to a song from a different time, and I wonder where that driven girl went. Back then I didn’t have anything I wanted I thought; but I knew who I was. I took it for granted though, I was too busy trying to become someone else, and now that I am, I feel lost sometimes. I am who I imagined, but I’m still working through it. I’m a workaholic, flighty, spontaneous extrovert. I just haven’t seen that girl in a while; I doubt I will ever again. I’ve become a woman, and I have different responsibilities now, ones I wouldn’t trade for anything. Sometimes a peek into the past to see what got you here helps you appreciate the you back then, so you can move on to be who you are now.

Did I drive you away?
I know what you’ll say,
You say, “Oh, sing one we know”,
But I promise you this,
I’ll always look out for you,
That’s what I’ll do….

…I saw sparks…